people say they would like to cut but they are scared of the pain … I’m never scared. when I bring a blade or a flame to my skin it’s because I fear NOT FEELING PAIN. I fear the fact that I might already be dead. the pain becomes a life line which I can climb up on as I struggle to leave this dark hole in which I sometimes lose myself completely. it allows me to breathe, so I don’t fear it.

people say they would like to purge but they fear throwing up. I don’t even decide to do it, it just happens. I sometimes wonder what they’d think if they had experienced eating and feeling the food starting to come up their throats as soon as they’d swallow it. if they had gone straight from the table to the bathroom and not even got what the fuck just happened as they suddenly found themselves on the floor almost choking as their stomachs emptied out all by themselves.

being fucked up might be a decision to some, I wonder how it would have been to have the privilege of a fucking CHOICE